I Am Getting A Call From You…But You Are Right Here.

September 9, 2011 § Leave a comment

The Time Machine, if it is possible to create one, would what is probably the most powerful weapon (or most useful pranking devise) to be in the possession of someone. Of course, there is still the ambiguity of changing history and its effects: will stepping on a bug change history, or is it impossible to change anything that is going to happen? Just to be safe, were I to possess a time machine, I would direct my efforts at indirectly changing the past in mostly benign, personal, and beneficial ways. I am not speaking in terms of copying a “cheat sheet” for the stock market and making millions off of Wall Street five years ago, I just want more time for my essays and exams!! As a result, I might restrict time traveling to my own room: go back an hour, work on my essays, go back another hour, revise the rough draft, go back another hour, go to bed.

However, utilizing the time machine only for homework is such a boring way of existence for a machine with such a potential. Therefore, I would use it for the singular and most useless purpose of pranking someone. Much like the calling-myself-on-the-phone part in “By His Bootstraps” by Heinlein, a prank might proceed as below:

  1. I find a target (a friend, family, coworker, bitter rival, myself, etc.).
  2. I hold a normal conversation with the target.
  3. The target receives a cell phone call  from me, who proceeds to begin a second conversation
  4. Midway through the phone conversation, a third person enters and hands the target a note from me, without terminating the cellphone conversation.
  5. Simultaneously, I send a Skype phone call to the target’s computer
  6. At the same time, a fourth person enters and relays a message that I would like to ask the target whether s/he would like dinner
  7. The “me” from step 1 remains in the room for the entire duration of the scene
  8. I memorizes the scene
  9. I proceed to the time machine
  10. Pranking begins

The psychological stress that results from this scene is rather unpredictable. Whether it will make his/her day, ruin his/her day, or drive him/her to the fringes of insanity is still uncertain until the scene actually passes for the target.

Even though these two utilizations of a time machine might seem a bit unnecessary and wasteful, but such a use actually avoids all the tangled-up conundrum, butterfly effect, and timeline friction that might come out of interfering with history. By keeping the use of the time machine relatively personal and trivial, the timeline on which I and everyone else exist would be safe and stable, and I wouldn’t accidentally alter the workings of English Language in any ways. Or kill any innocent moths, for that matter.

Of course, I can always find some garage to park that piece of machine and leave it alone.

Nightly Thoughts


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