Dear Me

October 9, 2012 § 1 Comment

Dear Me,

To ensure that this letter has the greatest effect, I ask that you just take a few things at face value, can your questions, and take heed of a few things here. This is coming from the future. I won’t tell you anything more than that. I hope that you should never live beholden to any plot which you believe to be predetermined.

First things first. Ask for a dog. Belabor that point, really hammer it home. There is still time and Mom will cave. Name the dog Shark.

You’ll have to take the dog on walks so it doesn’t get fat. These walks will have the same effect for you. It will be best if you take these opportunities to explore more places: woods, hills, frosted over golf courses. Train Shark well and he will protect you. His name, after all, is Shark.

Perhaps your experiences with Shark will somehow humble you, but if they do not, know this: you know much less than you think you do. Right now you are insufferable. If there is such a thing as a pedantic eighth grader you fit that bill well. It hardly takes a genius to make decent marks in middle school. Many that do will fall by the wayside, and even more that do not will surpass you.

Furthermore, stop being lazy. Right now you are skating by.  Practice piano more because next year you won’t have the time. Music has a greater power to effect you for the better than most things ever will. Trust me when I tell you that this is not a skill you will regret having. Likewise, in other endeavors assert yourself more. There are a few things that if you think on them you will decide, these are important and I want to become good at these things. Video games should not be among these. See also, airsoft guns. Discover the joys of Sriracha. Discover the joys of spinach and arugula and   (raw) fish.

On that note, open your mind to things. Don’t be dismissive of people, give country music an honest shot, Shark will probably like it. Remember to feed Shark well.

Now let me approach a gist and put this in simple terms. I grant that I’ve been a bit stunted, a bit jumpy here. Things are going to start moving fast. This will happen very quickly and I didn’t handle it so well. You have the chance to do it better. When things pick up you might feel left behind. You will meet plenty of people smarter than you and those fragile ideas of your own intellect will be shattered. So here’s the idea, accept the things everyone has to offer you and don’t be aloof and sullen if for any reason you feel inadequate.

Very Important Advice (VIA): Frame this letter tastefully.

If by now you’re hoping for investment tips I’m sorry but I can’t give you those. The goal of this was to work on that swollen ego. Also, realize that you will never become me. Here’s the reason why I think this is true: I never got this letter. When you receive this you will have entered an alternate reality. I only hope that in the new universe you inhabit someone finds a way to stop the apes.

Best wishes younger alternate reality self.

Prosperity and glory upon our Wondrous Simian Leaders,


-Blog 5


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§ One Response to Dear Me

  • pjjed says:

    Haha, I did not see that ending coming. Very well written. I like how you keep bringing Shark back into it, as well as how you mix humor with more serious advice. Well done!


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